5 Reasons Why I Still Want to Smile

i.
you're changed.
the way you talked to me, replied my texts, wasn't the same like the days before. also, you didn't call me again and your texts were getting shorter.

ii.
you never asked me about how's my day, what i was doing, or even a simple, silly questions like you used to.

iii.
you started to be an asshole.
yes. an asshole. why? when i was trying to tell you things, you didn't even listening. ended up like i was talking to a stranger. you didn't want to talk to me. you didn't even look at me.

iv.
i lost your jokes.
you used to be fun. but maybe, something just ruined yourself. you're not funny anymore. i felt like i was boring or something? idk.

v.
i wasn't the one whom you trusted enough.
i should've known it from the start, when i tried to ask you what's wrong with you
or if there's something wrong i did—
you couldn't give me answers.
what i expected was an explaination but you didn't even say me a thing about what was happening that time. i was so angry and disappointed.
when i finally chose to leave you, you didn't do anything. you fucking let me go. you didn't fight for me.

we're just like strangers after that.
you and i—were burning to ashes.
and sadly, after all these months we had been apart, i just realized that you didn't trust me—enough to tell me the problems you had. you're scared if one day you'd hurt me because you also had some things to be fixed. so you let me go. you didn't explain anything because you're scared, what if i couldn't understand? what if i only brought you more suffering?

no. i wouldn't. if only you could tell me the truth. if only you trusted me. maybe we wouldn't have to be like this. maybe we're still together. maybe, now, you're still waiting for me to call you. maybe, now, i'm still talking to you about how's my day.
but i understand if you couldn't trust me,
once i warned you to not easily trust someone, right?
it's funny because it's like i warned you to not trust me too. it's okay.
well, i thought that i was the one for you.
because you were and
still the one for me.
but it's too late.

bye.

—ymm,